Am I a horrible person? [vent/advice]

[xXHopeXx]

For wanting this baby out now?

I haven't had a TERRIBLE pregnancy, but it hasn't been smooth sailing by any means. I was EXTREMELY sick for the first 18 weeks, and as a result I lost over 20kgs (mind u I am/was overweight to begin with)

But then, things that have happened to DH and I non-pregnancy related have made me just feel so so down.

But that's not what's the problem now.. I had actually been loving my pregnancy, despite being sick, and tired, and whatnot, I am growing a beautiful little baby inside of me that my DH and I created!!

Over the past couple weeks, I'd started getting slight hip pain, nothing major, was calmed by a bath and some rest. All I had to do was not move heavy items when it was sore, and take it easy.

But for the past 3 days the pain in both my hips has been EXCRUCIATING!!! to the point it hurts to just lie down and not move! It hurts to walk, it hurts to roll over, nothing relieves this pain, and I even saw my doc (who said the worst is yet to come, effectively) and talked to my IM (who said some pain is normal) but surely THIS much pain isn't!?

To top it off as well, the circulation in my legs has gotten REALLY bad, to the point where just standing and not moving causes my legs to look like someones tied a string around them really tight (they're going purple/red) and it's the same if I sit down on a normal chair, no matter how I sit in it! The only time it doesn't do it is when I'm lying flat....

I worry about how this is effecting Squish, since I've been in such pain she hasn't been moving as much (still some movements, but nothing to her usual self!) can she tell that I'm in pain? Is she uncomfortable or is it affecting her somehow?

I honestly don't know how long I will be able to last if this keeps going on this way.. Defintely not another 11 weeks, i feel barely capable of coping with just 1 more week!!

I don't know if I should go to hospital? And if I do, I can almost guarantee my wish of a Homebirth is out the window, but sadly enough, atm, I really don't care, I just feel like I want this baby out!!!

And I feel so horrible for saying that because I know she should be safe inside my tum for at LEAST another 8 weeks...

I dont know what i want out of this... I just need to get this out... I feel like a horrible mother already for wanting her out so early...

If you got through all that, your a champ.. Go have a wine or some chocolate or something.... U deserve it...

[*Sparklez*]

how babe i know what ur going through believe me.... and im pretty sure alot of others do too...
the pain in ur hips is sooo common that even though u want some sort of sympathy the gp's hear it so often they just brush it off now so they make u feel even worse..
and as for circulation i hear ya!!! i was getting that in my last 2 weeks and even standing around was making me feel like my legs where stinging..
u just have to take it easy as hard as it is in this day and age u ahve to look after urself ..
if u are worried about bubs DEF call the hossy dsont risk it and they will tell u the same thing.. u know ur bubs better than anyone so if it doesnt feel right get a check up...
BIG HUGS hun i feel for u i really do... but that bubba needs to be in there longer to have a good jump start on a healthy life
GL make sure u get a check up soon k xox

[lozzy_mac]

in short.... NO! Of course you're not a horrible person!
The body goes through some incredible changes in pregnancy, and not all of them are designed to be comfy for mum! I dont think we were ever meant to love it! Your body has been taken over and turned into an incubator for a baby who's job it is to get as big as possible and take up as much of your body as possible, nerves and blood vessels just get in the way!

I dont know if a pregnancy-specialist physiotherapist can help you at all? But do whatever you need to do- do you need to be working or can you take it super easy? Get someone to be waiting on you- you cant expect much else of your body other than being what it needs to be for your bubba. Be kind to yourself and no feeling bad allowed- you're allowed to feel however you want!!

[LionsandBears]

Gem - you're not horrible, you're just in pain. Pain is exhausting and let's face it, pregnancy is tiring enough. Whilst some pain is normal, things like SPD/pelvic instability can just make things unbearable. There's the physical pain and also the emotional pain of not being able to do what you want, other people's judgements etc. If you haven't already, check out this thread:
https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...-137611-3.html

Your body is preparing for baby by stretching ligaments and hormones rushing through your system. Sadly, nobody tells you about SPD. There's some good tips in there. The most important thing is DO NOT push through the pain. It just makes it much worse. Use ice packs multiple times a day. Use pillows between your legs when sleeping. Don't roll OVER in bed, roll UNDER. It takes practice to learn.

If you need to, take panadol or even panadeine. If you can afford it, acupuncture and osteopathy/physio can help. Some physio can make it worse though - you need someone who specialises in pregnancy. The most important thing is try to come to terms with it as quickly as you can (I don't mean just suck it up, but the faster you learn to manage it the easier it will be to manage). Whinge, cry, write it out. Walk very slowly, get crutches if you have to, avoid stairs. When driving, turn corners at less than 10km an hour. Get SRC pregnancy shorts if you can afford them.

You will need a LOT of support. If your DP doesn't, get him to read the SPD thread. Google pelvic instability. You will need his unconditional support whilst you deal with it (just like you will once bub arrives).

btw - you can have a homebirth with SPD, you just need to use certain positions to reduce further damage.

GL and lots of hugs. Many of us have been through it.

[Fleur]

No, you're not. Pregnancy can be tough on your body.

Some really good advice from Tashybabe, I hope you can manage the pain for the remainder of your pregnancy

[Lisa]

You're definitely not horrible. I remember feeling this way when carrying DS2 as I had horrid SPD.
Tashybabe has given you some brilliant advice. A couple of others I will add are - look into acupuncture, take calcium & magnesim tablets and avoid driving manual cars if possible (I found the clutch was horrid for my SPD & pelvis)
I hope you find something that works for you real soon

[angelaartsstudent]

Hahaha you are SO not a bad person for wanting that!

I have had hyperemisis with both my pregnancies (which honestly, as you'd know, makes you want to just give in to puking to death) and already have SPD this time. It's so hard and painful to walk.

I have never glowed or had a "happy" and "perfect" pregnancy, I'v e always just felt horrible.

BUT the rumour is that being really sick and sore during your pregnancy means you're having a very healthy baby...a total old wive's tale...but you never know lol.

If I were you I'd try to do as little as humanly possible. Hugs to you...the last tri can be a challenging one.

[xXHopeXx]

Firstly, thankyou so much to everyone who replied... It's so nice to actually KNOW I'm not alone going through THIS much pain, everyone just says "some pain is normal" but when I tell them how bad mine is, they just go "Oh...." and it makes me feel like there's something wrong with me..

Bear with me while I try to multi-quote on my phone :insert red face here:

You will need a LOT of support. If your DP doesn't, get him to read the SPD thread. Google pelvic instability. You will need his unconditional support whilst you deal with it (just like you will once bub arrives).

DH is trying to support me, the poor thing, but he, just is just as clueless as I am as to what to do to help! And although he KNOWS I'm in pain, i don't think he quite understands how much and how exactly it affects me.. But he is trying, so that's something, right?

btw - you can have a homebirth with SPD, you just need to use certain positions to reduce further damage.

Yeah I thought homebirth was ok with SPD, I was more referring to my state of mind, that if I went into hospital now, I won't want to leave til she's out...

the pain in ur hips is sooo common that even though u want some sort of sympathy the gp's hear it so often they just brush it off now so they make u feel even worse..

Yep! Basically my GP told me to suck it up, as it'll only get worse and showed no sympathy and didnt offer any solutions or ways to get relief despite my asking! that just made me feel terrible and that maybe I'm just weak

Your body has been taken over and turned into an incubator for a baby who's job it is to get as big as possible and take up as much of your body as possible, nerves and blood vessels just get in the way!

Lol! That explains my purple feet and legs then!

[xXHopeXx]

Woops! Hit send too quickly!

But do whatever you need to do- do you need to be working or can you take it super easy? Get someone to be waiting on you- you cant expect much else of your body other than being what it needs to be for your bubba. Be kind to yourself and no feeling bad allowed- you're allowed to feel however you want!!

Luckily I'm not working now (which was initially a major stress in my pregnancy ), so I can take it easy, but i just feel like such a burden asking people to do things for me, not to mention it's frustrating! I'm usually the type of person doing things for others and not accepting help for me! And not to mention I don't want people to think I'm faking it and just being lazy

You're definitely not horrible. I remember feeling this way when carrying DS2 as I had horrid SPD.
Tashybabe has given you some brilliant advice. A couple of others I will add are - look into acupuncture, take calcium & magnesim tablets and avoid driving manual cars if possible (I found the clutch was horrid for my SPD & pelvis)
I hope you find something that works for you real soon

Oh i hadn't heard about the calcium and magnesium one! How does it help, do u know?

And the car we just bought is a manual, but luckily the clutch is nice and light and when i test drove it, it didn't hurt my hips at all, but then who knows if it will now?

I have had hyperemisis with both my pregnancies (which honestly, as you'd know, makes you want to just give in to puking to death) and already have SPD this time. It's so hard and painful to walk.

Oh you poor thing, my sister has HG with hers too, I know how bad it can be

BUT the rumour is that being really sick and sore during your pregnancy means you're having a very healthy baby...a total old wive's tale...but you never know lol.

Well this baby must be a genius and immaculately healthy baby then!! Hahaha


But after talking to DH tonight, I'm contemplating giving up my homebirth for a hospital birth, if my pain continues, simply for the fact that if the pain stays this way or worsens, I dont think I could handle having to wait and wait for an unknown amount of time, (could only be 7 weeks? But possibly still another 12!) and knowing me, not having a definite end time in sight, will send me up the wall..

I need the fact that if necessary, I can be induced and have the baby if I honestly cannot take anymore and think i will simply crack if I have to wait anymore.

And if that happens, and I'm still planning for a HB, then i will still have to fork out around $3,500 for a midwife whose services were sadly not needed... And that's just so much money to us that I don't want to waste it, as well as her time and effort... (I know we however still have to pay her for her services shes given so far, so that makes it a little easier, I dont feel AS bad telling her, but still awful as she's such a nice lady )

But DH and I said well see how I go for a week, and if it doesn't improve, then well likely go that way, but well cross that bridge soon...

I just don't know! I feel like everything I've wanted for this pregnancy has gone south and I don't know what to want anymore

And the sad thing is, in my mind im actually kinda wanting now to be induced earlier (I.e. 37-38 weeks) simply for the fact i have an end in sight and can countdown definitely and Im not sitting here twiddling my thumbs wondering WHEN I will have this baby! When before, I just wanted HER to make a decision, and come exactly on her own accord, whether that be 43 weeks or 36! I didn't care

[Lisa]

Go speak to an osteopath or a physiotherapist and see if there is something they can do to help you. The purple legs thing is making me think that perhaps there is something pinched in your pelvis. Also look into getting a support belt for your pelvis & hips. I know they can be hired through some places (the hospital that DS2 was born at hired them through the physio there)

As for the calcium & magnesium... I'm not sure what it does but I took it with DD2 on recommendation from my MW and I'm taking it with this bub and I haven't had any SPD at all. I do get little niggly pains in my hips when I sleep some nights, but otherwise everything is good.

[Yarrawin]

Oh hun, you're not horrible. I'm so glad you've posted this thread. I'm 33 weeks and just want this baby out now (and have for a while) and its nice to know I'm not the only one.

I have had some pretty big pain issues too and I was also brushed off. Eventually I nagged them into sending me to a physiotherapist but she was useless and it didn't help and I couldn't afford to pay to see someone. In the end I went and got a massage and it helped for a little while but for the most part the biggest relief I've had has been just floating in water. Only prob is that it makes me more sore before I feel better I have done a few water aerobics classes for pregnant women run by a physiotherapist and they have helped a bit, but again it gets worse before it gets better and sometimes its really quite unbearable.

As much as it sucks asking for help (I'm the same as you) I've now told my DH that he has to load and unload the dishwasher and also take washing out of the washing machine because I have found that bending down to do those things really sets my hip pain off.

So... other than the water and the washing/dishwasher thing I don't have much more to add but Tashy's advice definitely sounds like good advice. GL

[Charlotte91]

I know how you feel when you say you just want the baby out.
I've had a long long complicated pregnancy and by 26 weeks I just wanted the bub to come. I'm 33 weeks tomorrow and bub is coming next week and I'm freaking out cause I don't know if I'm ready. lol.

In terms of pain, I can't really help you out.
But I'm thinking of you!